literature

Part One--Sorry, no title yet

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Literature Text

So you were most likely looking to read something here, (though you are, in fact reading something right now) but these aren't the same words that were here before. I'm in the process of editing this story, however it will be back soon. In the meantime, please enjoy this promotional limerick:


A doodle and scribble-filled heart
This is where magic can start
There will be always more
Just jump through this door
and dive into Deviantart
I was looking through some of my old notebooks, and I found this in there. I felt like I should submit it…so, here it is.

It's kind of like an introduction to a character that I thought up long ago.

There may or may not be more to come. I would greatly appreciate your opinion on what should happen next.
Things I would need help with:
:bulletred: His name
:bulletred: His age
:bulletred: More information about him
:bulletred: His relations...if any


Enjoy!
© 2010 - 2024 rj3987
Comments16
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Zophirus's avatar
Hmm, this is a really interesting concept. I love this idea and really look forward to seeing how this character develops.

I must say, I'm not crazy about the final paragraph. Everything up until that point is brilliant but you seemed to kind of lose your momentum at the end. If I might make a suggestion, I think the opening couple of sentences are fine but then perhaps go with "it's like an evil parasite; I'm only the host" - the way you've phrased it seems a little... I think the word I'm look for is cold. Detached, maybe? Up until then, it feels very much like the character is telling me the story, but from that sentence on, the words become a bit wooden. I can't picture someone talking like that, if you know what I mean? So I would love to see that final paragraph reworked to fit the style you've established with the rest of the passage. That said, I like the phrasing "it's better to murder those who are already dead, rather than kill the living... right?" - this feels like a return to form. I also love the logic your character puts forward there, so perhaps just some tweaks in the wording would be beneficial, rather than a restructuring of the argument?

Now, for the character. I definitely view this person as human. I instinctively want to stereotype them as a man in his early twenties - that said, it would be really fun if it turned out to be a middle-aged woman or something, hehe! Though you do say he's already been "the boss mehind the mass murder" which gives the impression that he's lived for some time - perhaps middle age would be more appropriate? It definitely feels like there should be a relatively 'normal' name for this character. It's just another human who happens to have the Hunger. I actually love the idea of naming him Christian, though it's something that's been done a lot, having a character called Christian doing something distinctly un-Christian-like.

There's always a temptation to give him/her a relative or friend who is somehow connected to the cause of the Hunger but that's a trend I'd really like to see you buck here. This is a really interesting and original piece in my opinion and it would be great to see you avoid a lot of the tropes out there. That said, tropes can still be made to work very effectively so that's totally up to you.

What I would do: middle-aged guy who has a brother. At some point the brother dies and our hero encounters him as an Angel and has the urge to push him ;)